Sunday, May 20, 2012

Apology Packs Are Go!

Apology Packs are currently whizzing their way to areas as diverse as Zimbabwe, Afghanistan and Nepal!
 The packs contain a bar of chocolate and a bottle of olive oil. There is also an accompanying note which reads:
"To Whom It May Concern...

We would like to take this opportunity to apologise for being such decadent rich fuckwits. When this empire finally collapses, please do not come and kill us.

Rich Europeans."

We do look forward to hearing back from our recipients. To find out more be sure to keep up to date with our blog!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Bread & Circus: Phase Two

Here at Elephant Towers we have begun to implement our worldwide apology. Collecting perfectly good food items to be included in our "apology packs", which will be dispersed across the globe, we intend to appease the growing anger of the slave classes, in the hope that when our bizarre, old fashioned and shoddy empire finally crumbles, that it is not with us that they seek their revenge. The food items have been collected from the refuse areas of various supermarkets and chainstores citywide. Watch this space...

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Bread & Circus

This oft cited phrase originates from early Roman satirist Juvenal, who accused his fellow citizens of allowing themselves to be placated by offers of food and entertainment from a decadent government. It has been argued that before the Roman Empire collapsed, it entered a period of obscene decadence and hubris, to such a degree that the collapse of the empire initially went unnoticed. 

A contemporary comparison to this ancient empire crumbling down around its proponents as they flit from the chariot race to vomitorium can easily be made. The most obvious and vile example of this is seen in the literally hundreds of tonnes of perfectly good food that we dispose of on a daily basis, merely because it cannot fulfil its economic purpose. That this food is disposed of while our nation plummets into recession and homeless men die on our streets is one insult. It is nothing short of a colossal monstrosity though, that the majority of the population of our planet live in poverty while we flounce from our modern day vomitoriums to our modern day colosseums, all the while allowing this PERFECTLY GOOD FOOD go to waste. These horrific tenets of our modern day 'civilisation' are so ingrained it seems, that people have been fired from work, physically assaulted and even arrested and sent to prison for TAKING FOOD FROM BINS (cue Benny Hill music)... as if bemused and disgusted glances from passers-by aren't bad enough. It is interesting to observe that these same passers-by would be quite happy to hand over their hard earned colouredy bits of paper for the exact same items only half an hour previous... but we digress.

In an attempt to remedy this obscene global and local situation, the Elephant in the Room have launched a three pronged strategy. Part one involves an integrated citywide advertising campaign, which will attempt to bring awareness to this tragicomic state of affairs. Part two involves rescuing said food from its sad demise at the hands of a lunatic system. Part three involves sending said food to various parts of the third world, where our slaves reside, toiling day in and day out so that we can have the privilege of such laudably decadent lifestyles. Accompanying these food packages will be notes of apology and pleading, in the hope that when this empire finally crumbles, which indeed it is bound to do, that our slaves do not revolt and come to seek their revenge.

Stalls will be set up at various locations where information and paraphernalia regarding our campaign can be obtained. Please come and let us know of your thoughts if you happen to see us!

Sunday, April 8, 2012

We're Number One!!!

We are excited and priveleged to announce that Ireland has recently topped the polls in a Europe-wide study of shoplifting figures, conducted by the Centre for Retail Research in Britain. "Certainly for the last two years, Ireland has been at or near the top of the table," Professor Joshua Bamfield announced. While we can proudly lay claim to this outstanding achievement, we must take measures to ensure that we do not fall victim to complacency as a nation. One promising detail seems to indicate that this will not be the case though, and that is the high level of retail staff and suppliers who are also stealing from the workplace. We would like to take this opportunity to unreservedly applaud and congratulate all those who have worked so hard to elevate the status of our small nation to such illustrious heights.

(We do not promote or encourage stealing from small or independently run businesses.)

Monday, March 12, 2012

Rome Falls?

The writer and self-styled magician Alan Moore has spoken of his belief in the commonality between the practice of art and that of magic, both being “the science of manipulating symbols, words or images, to achieve a change in consciousness”. If this is in fact the case, then what we are presented with in the form of monetary systems is the greatest magical performance in the history of humankind. No other symbol is as powerful or ubiquitous as that of currency, not even the symbols of church or state. People may kill and die for flags and gods, but it is only money which can assert control over the entire human race, only cash that lays claim to the entire adult life of almost every individual on the planet, only capital which can leave most of the inhabitants of our world in abject poverty.

Evolution is a process of increased complexity and novelty, both in physical biological systems and systems of thought. This is as obvious in art, music and science as it is in economics. The underlying, glaring truth though, cannot be ignored. The fact that it is a mere idea - an abstract idea - that has enslaved our vast and swarming society, an abstract idea which forces thousands to leave their homeland, an abstract idea which drives some to despair and suicide, or to murder, an abstract idea which drives some to sell their time, their ideas and their bodies. This truly is an act of magic on a colossal scale, an immense atrophy of consciousness brought about by a manipulated symbol.

None of these ideas are new. The ‘root of all evil’ has been decried throughout the ages, and the evils of the power which it represents were decried before that. Jesus threw the money lenders from the temple. “Where any view of Money exists, Art cannot be carried on, but War only”, Blake declared. “Whether hippie or punk, we shit on the bankers”, read a banner of the German autonomes amidst riots against the IMF and World Bank in 1988. And nowadays we have internet activists, hacking websites of government organisations and multinationals, causing millions worth of damage. Millions of what though? An idea. We know it is only an idea. Most of us know it is a bad idea. Yet still we bow.

Some believe we are fast approaching a pinnacle of crisis, where something will invariably have to give. Indeed, some believe things are already beginning to give, that it’s ‘kicking off everywhere’. Maybe this is the happy apocalypse Mr. Moore hopes for, the “strong enough wave of information [that] could completely overturn and destroy all of... our political structures, philosophical structures, ideological frameworks, economies”, which, he is keen to note, “are actually imaginary things”. One can only hope. Rome, after all, didn’t fall in a day.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012